Not my will, but yours Lord.
This is a prayer that I have prayed continuously for the past year and a half. After our sweet Sawyer went to Heaven ahead of us, our eyes have been fixed on the eternal. On one hand, I’m so sad, and if I’m honest, I’m embarrassed that it took such a tragedy for me to fix my focus. And then on the other hand, I want to cut myself some slack, that’s often how we humans work, isn’t it? We don’t need God in the good times, but when the going gets tough…Whoa! We cling desperately to Him.
Nevertheless, since August 9, 2016, Jesus has had my Yes. That phrase may sound familiar…it’s been thrown around a lot lately. We Christians seem to have our own language to outsiders. Christianese. I’ve given Jesus my yes, but what does that mean? The short version, it means that whatever he calls me to do, I will do. No, is not an option. I want to live for him. Fully.
God’s callings aren’t always what we envision. A year ago, He clearly spoke to my heart. I was at my kitchen sink washing some dishes, “You need to tell your story. I want you to write a book.” I heard in my heart. I paused. A heavy tugging overcame my heart, a knowing that He was speaking. “Ok, Lord. You have my yes”.
Thankfully, God had already equipped me with a talented friend, one who is a gifted writer. I reached out to her, we met up, and ventured on our journey. After investing in conversation, prayer, and tears she began to help tell our story. She did a beautiful job and she provided me with the confidence to walk in obedience in this call.
In typical fashion, the Lord quickly transitioned our journey….he began calling ME to write the story. “Oh Lord…I’m not a writer! I can’t do this. You have blessed me with a talented friend. It makes more sense for her to write it for us.” Overcome with feelings of inadequacy, I felt completely unqualified. Oh, how God has a sense of humor! He always seems to use the unqualified, doesn’t He? But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… 2 Corinthians 12:9
Remember, I had given Jesus my “yes”? That meant “No” was not an option.
Hesitantly, I agreed and began the process of documenting my thoughts and writing our story. I may feel unqualified, but the truth is, we don’t have to be very well acquainted with the Bible to know that Jesus often uses the most unlikely of people. That’s how He does His best work and that is how HE gets the Glory.
“…God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did “Romans 4:17
What a powerful verse! He calls those things that aren’t as though they were! I am not an author, but he is calling me an author. The doors that God has already opened up for us in this journey have been mind boggling. Though I second guess myself all the time, the truth is, God has called me and he WILL equip me. I believe that.
And He will do the same for you.
What is it that God is calling you to do? Is there something that you know He wants you to do, but you’re too afraid to step out? Don’t wait around for the perfect time. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy who’s trying to convince you that maybe you didn’t hear God correctly, or who’s trying to convince you to wait. Take the leap of faith. Jesus won’t fail you. He will equip you. He is calling that which isn’t (in you), as though it were. Trust in Him.