Better Version of Me

“The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭19:7-8‬ ‭

I stepped onto my cousin's back porch in southwest Colorado and gasped as I took in the view: majestic mountains donned with red and orange hues, a gray gravel road, and a cool gentle breeze that took my breath away.

"Lord," I whispered, "What’s going on with me?
I’m in this beautiful place, surrounded by your handiwork. I should be at peace. Instead, my soul is struggling with so much unrest. Ugliness has built in my heart. Impatience, self-righteousness, and down-right unkind thoughts."

"I'm grateful that people can’t see into the ugliness of my heart."

"But, I know you can."

"Lord, I'm so disappointed. My heart is grieved. This is not who I want to be."

I paused and tried to assess my problem, this ugliness in my heart. Being a first-born child, I’m a take the bull by the horns kind of girl.

I began to reflect and question myself. How had I gotten to a place where I had allowed so much sinfulness to build? What had I been doing to foster this deplorable state of my heart?

Retracing my recent steps, I realized that I had just come out of a very busy season of life and my schedule had been off kilter. In the name of time management, my morning Bible time was the first thing to go. "I love the Lord and that's what matters, I’ll get back on track when things slow down," I justified.

I gave myself a pass.

I allowed the urgent to take place of the important. And in doing so, I contributed to the downward spiral of my heart. My lack of intimacy with the Lord was directly correlated to the unhealthy state of my heart.

You see, I previously made it priority to regularly spend time in God’s word because of how it made me feel-so much more at peace and ready to take on the day. But what I had desperately taken for granted, was that when I spend time in God’s word, He is molding me, shaping me, and changing me into a much better version of myself.

Time spent with Christ doesn’t just affect how we feel, it refines who we are!

Boy, did I just learn a lesson.

We can’t simply assume that when we take a break from feeding our souls, that we retain the goodness we've gleaned from prior moments spent with the Lord. You see, this ugliness that had surfaced in my heart is what happens when I am left to my own sinful ways. The only thing good in me— is Jesus! The only good thing in any of us—is Jesus. Friends, let's choose the important over the urgent and spend time with our Savior.

Summer Gordon